This will be the final post of this blog… A sad
thing indeed. However, I felt this blog should go down with my freshman year.
It was a good blog. To finish up this blog I came up with a non-all inclusive list of the things
that happened this year at JBU. It’s a bit of a mix and match puzzle to read,
but it should do the trick in conveying that which is important.
Things
I will always remember:
Bolded
Things
that will stick with me forever:
Italicized
Things I will never regret:
Underlined
The time I “wasted” spending time with
my friends.
Realizing
I have an Ed. Foundations paper due in two hours.
My
grades.
My
first “all-nighter”.
The energy I lost during Rugby.
Singing
Love Story on karaoke night in J. Alvin.
The
knowledge of what a semicolon does.
Stealing Lauren’s iphone.
Lauren’s
password(s).
The
green paint on my jeans from O-Week.
The
first time I was called a part of the friend group.
The
story of Cristiiiiiiina and genocide.
Laying under the sun listening to the
laughter of my friends.
My
first good talk with Sean in a pine tree.
Deciding to sit by Lauren in my Health
class.
Finding
out Robbie was going to propose to Ariel.
The
blog I started in Honors O.
The
dart game graveyard.
Snickering at twitterpatted friends.
Making
my Bible study march around J. Alvin carrying rocks and a cross.
Egyptian
Rat Slap.
Swing
dancing.
The first hugs I ever
gave each of my friends.
The Last Day Celebration(5
May 2012)
Scaring boys at the park on the
Last Day Celebration.
Posing like a girl and doing it well.
Showing
my friends around New Life Ranch.
The
last tear-filled hugs of the Last Day Celebration.
I've decided to write in the honor of fear...
Strange? I know.
More specifically I have decided to write in the
honor of vocalized OCD, Amnesia: Dark Decent, the Equinox music video by
Skrillex, and of course the dreaded 'finals'.
The way I'm going to be honoring this fearfulness is
by telling a scary story! What better way is there to appreciate being scared
(In a good way scared, not scared like "OH NO!! Someone I love is about to
die!!", kind of being scared, but a "Ooooh... That's creepy... I
don't like it... Do it again.", kind of being scared.)
And after all the very best kind of scary story is
one which is completely and entirely true. So, I'll tell a rather scary story
from my own experiences.
[Those with week constitutions may wish to turn away
now.]
Monster
In case you did not know, I have a rather extreme
dose of ADD in my system. In fact, when I was younger before I knew how to get
myself to focus better, I used to never get any of my school work done and
would thus have a very large amount of homework every day. I would work all day
and sometimes deep into the night attempting to get my work done. As a result
of all this I started getting medicated for it. The medications worked wonders.
I could get my homework done before I had even left school and still had free
time before the bell rang. My grades increased exponentially and my life was as
fantastic as a pre-teenager's could be.
This medication, however, had some rather daunting
side effects. You see, I had to take the medicine just before I went to bed
each night. As a result, my mind became very active at night and would not fall
asleep until around one o'clock or later each night. These tormenting nights of
no sleep plagued me for weeks until things began to get worse.
At that time I would dread the night because I was
forced to lay in the dark alone for hours upon hours. My insanely active,
worrisome, and somewhat twisted mind would create horrid hypothetical
situations in which all the kinds of terrible things I could imagine would
happen to me or my family. Thankfully, as a Pastor's son I knew the power of
prayer and of God. My prayer life had never been so tested and would not again
for many many years. I worried about everything from my families salvation to
their health. I prayed for the same. I almost had these terrible nights down to
habit when it came.
Laying down in my bed, trying to breathe slowly to
make myself sleep, a feeling that was something like fear but more twisted and
close-by overtook me. It was like the feeling of walking alone in the dark
thinking you are about to be attacked by some kind of monster when you realize
that the monster in you mind isn't real and at the same time you realize that a
different more powerful monster has his claw on your shoulder. I wanted to
vomit and scream all at once. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that something
was wrong. I sat up and climbed down my bunk bed ever weary of the shadows that
seemed to be writhing all around me. I was in a fight or flight mode, I suppose
I chose fight because I stalked out of my room trying to convince myself that
if there was something in my house I would be able to fight it off or at the
very least be able to wake up my parents so they could help me. I could barely
see the back door over the counter when it suddenly flew open.
Everything in my body told me to scream but I was
paralyzed with fear. I have never since felt such horror; I could hear
something breathing. I tensed every muscle in my body so I would stop shaking.
Turned my back on the back door and took a step towards my room; the breathing
got louder and I heard something dragging across the floor. I looked into my room
on the bottom bunk was my sister sleeping, I looked to my left and saw two of
my younger sisters sleeping, I looked to my parents room and saw them both
there in their beds. I took a step forward towards my room and was once again
frozen in fear; the feeling of darkness, of being followed by a dark horror, of
being sucked into darkness came upon me again. I turned around and faced the
monster.
Before me then was something I have never seen the
likes of since. Upon seeing it my eyes were fixated on it and my heart began to
pound but I didn't breathe. I cannot know for sure if the evil I saw that night
was a waking nightmare, a hallucination, or if it was what my insides were
screaming that it was. That night, I give you my word, there was a demon in my
house.
It had the appearance of the upper half of a corpse;
no legs, crawling about with its arms. Its flesh was ripped and tattered but
without blood. Its body was a pale rotten gray. The few wisps of hair it had
left were dark brown and white. Its face was twisted into a wicked smile of
unforgivable malice. I'll forgo you the horror of its hypnotizing hellish eyes.
This thing was slowly crawling towards me. It was chasing me and I couldn't
run.
Then the air changed and the monstrosity hesitated.
I didn't hear a voice but I felt like I had, a good voice. A voice that made me
think of battles and angels and prayer...
I started praying.
My eyes saw no change, the creature still advanced towards me, but my spirit
felt it. It felt like rolling thunder. I didn't understand anything that was
happening at the time, now I recognize what was perhaps the clash of warfare in
the unseen land of demons, angels, and the Holy Spirit. I felt compelled to
walk and talk in faith. I talked, "In the name of Jesus," -it shuddered-
"go away. Get out of my house! And do not ever bother me again!". Its
eyes looked lustfully into my sisters' room, "Do not bother any of my
family! Go away in the name of Jesus.". I walked, I turned around and the
thunder stopped. I crawled in bed and closed my eyes, I wasn't scared anymore.
I fell asleep before I could think to lay down my head.
I didn't tell anyone about the evil thing I saw but
I convinced my parents to start trying a different medicine. I slept soundly
then. I've never seen or even heard of a thing that can compare to that nigh
"Hey, Ua! Look up in the sky and be poetic with your words!"
Predatory, vicious, swift, handsome fowl in the sky bring messages to the Lord in the heavens, in Asgard; on earth they join in the song of the worshipers. They are the appearance of the cherubim and seraphim that encircle the Lord's throne. These creatures singing along with all of creation for the sake of their God. The trees sing from the wind. The wind plays the trees and they sound like the whisper of an angelic harp. Heartbeats, the bass-line of the beautiful chorus. Each beat resounds and resonates creating a vibrating beat reminiscent of war drums. And finally the songs of the birds and of the worshipers weaves a harmonious tune that might dare to drown out the songs of the angels. Together the choir of creation plays a melody that shall last till the end of days. My thoughts intermingle.
Something reveals itself.
Something lurks out of the darkness in my mind.
This thing is final. There isn't anything I can do but accept that this is truth. So terribly sad that I don't speak the words that come to my mind as I look to the beautiful clouds. Separation for life is something like death.
My thoughts intermingle.
My mind remembers that I only have now.
I return to present joyful thought.
Each cloud is so fantastically like a castle, like a castle in the land of Asgard, that it strikes me bewildered when they move and shift. They sail through the sky following one another through an unmarked highway. They roll by undaunted by the endless skies behind and before them. Hidden winds allow towers to billow up from the road followed by castles and ramparts. This is the kingdom of God indeed. This small part of the kingdom roams the world as testament to His glory. They are a wandering circus of the gospel, their mere presence shows undoubtedly the truth in the hope of keeping His magnificent glory out of the place in the minds of men wherein secrets are held.
My thoughts intermingle.
Something reveals itself.
Something lurks out of the darkness in my mind.
I've kept this thing hidden out of disgrace and shame because I know that it is my own doing. It is my fault that they and I have to suffer through separation. I clung to the last hope that there would be a miracle of some sort that would keep me from being forced to reveal the result of my distracted fault.
My thoughts intermingle.
My mind remembers that I only have now.
I return to present joyful thought.
These clouds move so quickly. They fly across the sky. Some block out the sun to give rest to the warm land below. But they hastily move forward revealing the warmth of the star made to be so perfectly close to our earth. The light from the sun is locked in a race with these swiftly moving clouds. Their fans cheer them on around the globe. Some cheer for the sun and its warmth and some cheer for the clouds and their shade. But the competition is short and in vain because all too soon the clouds have passed and the sun has set.
My thoughts intermingle.
Something reveals itself.
Something lurks out of the darkness in my mind.
I don't want to leave. This part of my life has been so short but it's affecting me so much. I've only been with them for a short time. I have known people for years and not become even a fraction as attached to these as I am. We haven't gone through life threatening situations and we all have other friends in this world.
So why does it pain me to even say that I have to leave? Because that would be like admitting defeat.
How have I grown so close to these people when I hardly ever utter a word? Because I listen to them, I listen to my heart, I listen to the outpouring of their heart and it has taken ahold of me.
How can they be so vital to me that I already can't imagine life without them all? Because I trust them not only with my thoughts and opinions but also with my very being.
Why does it break my heart to say goodbye? Because they are my best friends. I love them.
Hi! Guess what? It's my birthday today. I am turning six years old today. I'm almost a grown up! Are you going to get me a present for my birthday? The older princesses already got me a present. They got the lamp that I used to have in my room and they put pretty flower covered blankets and stuff on it so it makes flowers on the walls when you turn it on! It is so beautiful! They had it all wrapped up in paper and everything so I could unwrap it. They gave it to me while we were in the truck on the way to the new palace. We aren't supposed to give each other stuff because the men told us that. That's why they gave it to me in the truck.
Maybe you can get me some kokain for my birthday? That would be awesome! We only get a little bit from the men every day and I love it so much! I don't know why I love it but I do it is my favorite thing in the world. I don't understand why you hate it so much. You don't have to get me some I guess but I would be really happy if you did.Why does it make you so sad when I take it and use it? If it is bad why don't you make me not do it? You don't even make the men not hurt me.
I know you hate it the most when they hurt me and lay on me. But it's ok it doesn't hurt very much any more. Besides they give me kokain when I don't fight. And I really like it when you hold my hand when it hurts and give me a hug after that makes me feel better. It makes me forget about this place. I wish you wouldn't cry though. It makes me really sad when you cry. For my present, how about you don't cry for the whole day? Besides, don't you know that I am a princess? That's what the men tell me that I am here with all the other princesses. That's why I am here.
You are the only prince I've ever seen here. Are all princes shiny and glowing like you? Your clothes are really bright and pretty. Can you get me some pretty clothes like yours for my birthday? That would make me really look like a princess.
I think that you were a soldier like my brother Isaac. That's how you got the scars on your hands and around your head. Will my brother become a prince like you when he's done fighting? I hope he's ok; I miss him a lot. I want to give him a hug.
Can I tell you a secret? I don't like being a princess. All of it is horrible except for you and the kokain. You and it are why I stay here. If you weren't here and I didn't have any kokain I would run away! You could protect me if I ran away right? Since you were a soldier. Maybe you could go get my brother and his friends to come rescue me! And then we could go find mom. She has been gone for a long long time.
I have to go now. You don't have to get me a birthday present if you don't want to. But if you do I hope it's good.
Bye! I'll see you in a little bit! I love you!
From,
The Princess
To,
The glowing Prince who holds my hand.
(Dedicated to Binita, Ayela, and all of the other girls who have had to, or are currently suffering through sex slavery.)
