Fear and Monsters

I've decided to write in the honor of fear... Strange? I know.

More specifically I have decided to write in the honor of vocalized OCD, Amnesia: Dark Decent, the Equinox music video by Skrillex, and of course the dreaded 'finals'.

The way I'm going to be honoring this fearfulness is by telling a scary story! What better way is there to appreciate being scared (In a good way scared, not scared like "OH NO!! Someone I love is about to die!!", kind of being scared, but a "Ooooh... That's creepy... I don't like it... Do it again.", kind of being scared.)

And after all the very best kind of scary story is one which is completely and entirely true. So, I'll tell a rather scary story from my own experiences.

[Those with week constitutions may wish to turn away now.]

Monster

In case you did not know, I have a rather extreme dose of ADD in my system. In fact, when I was younger before I knew how to get myself to focus better, I used to never get any of my school work done and would thus have a very large amount of homework every day. I would work all day and sometimes deep into the night attempting to get my work done. As a result of all this I started getting medicated for it. The medications worked wonders. I could get my homework done before I had even left school and still had free time before the bell rang. My grades increased exponentially and my life was as fantastic as a pre-teenager's could be.

This medication, however, had some rather daunting side effects. You see, I had to take the medicine just before I went to bed each night. As a result, my mind became very active at night and would not fall asleep until around one o'clock or later each night. These tormenting nights of no sleep plagued me for weeks until things began to get worse.

At that time I would dread the night because I was forced to lay in the dark alone for hours upon hours. My insanely active, worrisome, and somewhat twisted mind would create horrid hypothetical situations in which all the kinds of terrible things I could imagine would happen to me or my family. Thankfully, as a Pastor's son I knew the power of prayer and of God. My prayer life had never been so tested and would not again for many many years. I worried about everything from my families salvation to their health. I prayed for the same. I almost had these terrible nights down to habit when it came.

Laying down in my bed, trying to breathe slowly to make myself sleep, a feeling that was something like fear but more twisted and close-by overtook me. It was like the feeling of walking alone in the dark thinking you are about to be attacked by some kind of monster when you realize that the monster in you mind isn't real and at the same time you realize that a different more powerful monster has his claw on your shoulder. I wanted to vomit and scream all at once. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that something was wrong. I sat up and climbed down my bunk bed ever weary of the shadows that seemed to be writhing all around me. I was in a fight or flight mode, I suppose I chose fight because I stalked out of my room trying to convince myself that if there was something in my house I would be able to fight it off or at the very least be able to wake up my parents so they could help me. I could barely see the back door over the counter when it suddenly flew open.

Everything in my body told me to scream but I was paralyzed with fear. I have never since felt such horror; I could hear something breathing. I tensed every muscle in my body so I would stop shaking. Turned my back on the back door and took a step towards my room; the breathing got louder and I heard something dragging across the floor. I looked into my room on the bottom bunk was my sister sleeping, I looked to my left and saw two of my younger sisters sleeping, I looked to my parents room and saw them both there in their beds. I took a step forward towards my room and was once again frozen in fear; the feeling of darkness, of being followed by a dark horror, of being sucked into darkness came upon me again. I turned around and faced the monster.

Before me then was something I have never seen the likes of since. Upon seeing it my eyes were fixated on it and my heart began to pound but I didn't breathe. I cannot know for sure if the evil I saw that night was a waking nightmare, a hallucination, or if it was what my insides were screaming that it was. That night, I give you my word, there was a demon in my house.

It had the appearance of the upper half of a corpse; no legs, crawling about with its arms. Its flesh was ripped and tattered but without blood. Its body was a pale rotten gray. The few wisps of hair it had left were dark brown and white. Its face was twisted into a wicked smile of unforgivable malice. I'll forgo you the horror of its hypnotizing hellish eyes. This thing was slowly crawling towards me. It was chasing me and I couldn't run.

Then the air changed and the monstrosity hesitated. I didn't hear a voice but I felt like I had, a good voice. A voice that made me think of battles and angels and prayer...
I started praying.
My eyes saw no change, the creature still advanced towards me, but my spirit felt it. It felt like rolling thunder. I didn't understand anything that was happening at the time, now I recognize what was perhaps the clash of warfare in the unseen land of demons, angels, and the Holy Spirit. I felt compelled to walk and talk in faith. I talked, "In the name of Jesus," -it shuddered- "go away. Get out of my house! And do not ever bother me again!". Its eyes looked lustfully into my sisters' room, "Do not bother any of my family! Go away in the name of Jesus.". I walked, I turned around and the thunder stopped. I crawled in bed and closed my eyes, I wasn't scared anymore. I fell asleep before I could think to lay down my head.

I didn't tell anyone about the evil thing I saw but I convinced my parents to start trying a different medicine. I slept soundly then. I've never seen or even heard of a thing that can compare to that nigh

This is me, being poetic with my words.

"Hey, Ua! Look up in the sky and be poetic with your words!"

Predatory, vicious, swift, handsome fowl in the sky bring messages to the Lord in the heavens, in Asgard; on earth they join in the song of the worshipers. They are the appearance of the cherubim and seraphim that encircle the Lord's throne. These creatures singing along with all of creation for the sake of their God. The trees sing from the wind. The wind plays the trees and they sound like the whisper of an angelic harp. Heartbeats, the bass-line of the beautiful chorus. Each beat resounds and resonates creating a vibrating beat reminiscent of war drums. And finally the songs of the birds and of the worshipers weaves a harmonious tune that might dare to drown out the songs of the angels. Together the choir of creation plays a melody that shall last till the end of days.
 My thoughts intermingle.
Something reveals itself.
Something lurks out of the darkness in my mind.
This thing is final. There isn't anything I can do but accept that this is truth. So terribly sad that I don't speak the words that come to my mind as I look to the beautiful clouds. Separation for life is something like death.
My thoughts intermingle.
My mind remembers that I only have now.
I return to present joyful thought.
Each cloud is so fantastically like a castle, like a castle in the land of Asgard, that it strikes me bewildered when they move and shift. They sail through the sky following one another through an unmarked highway. They roll by undaunted by the endless skies behind and before them. Hidden winds allow towers to billow up from the road followed by castles and ramparts. This is the kingdom of God indeed. This small part of the kingdom roams the world as testament to His glory. They are a wandering circus of the gospel, their mere presence shows undoubtedly the truth in the hope of keeping His magnificent glory out of the place in the minds of men wherein secrets are held.
My thoughts intermingle.
Something reveals itself.
Something lurks out of the darkness in my mind.
I've kept this thing hidden out of disgrace and shame because I know that it is my own doing. It is my fault that they and I have to suffer through separation. I clung to the last hope that there would be a miracle of some sort that would keep me from being forced to reveal the result of my distracted fault.
My thoughts intermingle.
My mind remembers that I only have now.
I return to present joyful thought.
These clouds move so quickly. They fly across the sky. Some block out the sun to give rest to the warm land below. But they hastily move forward revealing the warmth of the star made to be so perfectly close to our earth. The light from the sun is locked in a race with these swiftly moving clouds. Their fans cheer them on around the globe. Some cheer for the sun and its warmth and some cheer for the clouds and their shade. But the competition is short and in vain because all too soon the clouds have passed and the sun has set.
My thoughts intermingle.
Something reveals itself.
Something lurks out of the darkness in my mind.
I don't want to leave. This part of my life has been so short but it's affecting me so much. I've only been with them for a short time. I have known people for years and not become even a fraction as attached to these as I am. We haven't gone through life threatening situations and we all have other friends in this world.
So why does it pain me to even say that I have to leave? Because that would be like admitting defeat.
How have I grown so close to these people when I hardly ever utter a word? Because I listen to them, I listen to my heart, I listen to the outpouring of their heart and it has taken ahold of me.
How can they be so vital to me that I already can't imagine life without them all? Because I trust them not only with my thoughts and opinions but also with my very being.
Why does it break my heart to say goodbye? Because they are my best friends. I love them.

“I pretty much know for sure now.”